Bus Ride 168
Time really passes fast boy, today is marks the 2 months that we have last seen each other. And I didn't realize it until I flip my calendar to check on same dates and realize that we last see each other was on 8 May 2005. Since then, I never see you or feel you since then. I wanted to meet up but you are always so busy with work and rejected my time after time after time. Until I decided to initiate the meeting up and waiting for you but you never do that.
Yesterday night, I dreamt about us. We met up and go panic again, and the weather was so nice and we really enjoy ourselves. But suddenly, your mood changes and I was laying on you but you stood up and you push me away. I ask what happen, you didn't anything and just walked off. I went up to you and wanted to know the reason but eventually I didn't able to know whats the reason because I woke up suddenly. Feeling very sad to have this dream, without knowing what is the reason behind.
Well, a dream is just a dream and dun dwell too much on it. Gotta get ready to work and today is a super duper boring shift which starts from 10.30 - 7.30 where I suppose to have a day off. But it doesn't matter any more cause weekends and weekdays to me just make no different. Day in day out doing the same old thing over and over again. Dunno why during work, I just have the urge to sms you or called you but I just wished to do that. As I remember clearly what happen between you and Karen. It's supposed to be a cool of period and if I keep sending you sms like I miss you and I cant live without you. I know you definitely get very irritated by it. So I decided not to sms you anymore and keep this missing all to myself and within this email that no one will know about it.
Talking about Karen, I think what she say was right and I think this is called Karma. She told me at that time that because of me you wanna a divorce with her, which in fact you stress to me that I'm not the main course of everything. And it could be due to the same reason that because of a gal that you wanted to put the relationship to a stop with me. I was thinking that I might me my retribution and I'm suffering from the cause now. But what to do this is my faith and I have to live with it.
After work, having nowhere to go as I dun wanna go out to see couples around. This will makes me feel even sadder, so everyday my routine is work, home, work and try to cut myself off from social life. When I was about to go home, dunno what went wrong into me. I walk to the bus stop where 168 stops and when 168 came and I just hope onto the bus, I dunno why am I doing all this too. As it was a long ride of ~45 mins but through the bus ride there was a lot of flash back of the time we had together. Finally I alighted at the bus stop, it was a walked from the bus stop to your block. So I slowly walked and was thinking that will I bumped into you or not and all sorts of nonsense. Eventually, I reached your void deck and lotter around and from one angel I'm able to see your room from afar. But I dun dare to look directly cause I'm afraid that you might look out and saw me. This may appear to be very dramatic but I really did that. I was holding on to my phone and very much wanted to give you a call and tell you that I'm waiting for you at your void deck.
But I didn't because I dun wanna to hear negative things from you. I was thinking that you must be either sleeping soundly or you have already gone out for the day. As today is a weekend I dun wanna spoil your day so I stood from afar to just to see your room I'm contented already. I headed straight home after that and it was a long and lonely ride home. I suddenly have the very lost kind of feeling, dunno where am I and where I'm heading too. I tried not to think of it diverted my attention somewhere else by looking at those scenery and flats around SLE/TPE.
Finally, I got home feeling so so tired after the long ride home. It wasn't really fulfilling but I'm just happy in a way or another. Dun worry, I'll not be so stupid to stalk you and do those nonsense stuff just to get your attention or to win you back. As I believe that what is meant to be yours it will be. I have flight for my happiness but failed to do that because in a relationship is not about oneself but two parties contributing to it. i'm not able to be the last woman in your life but I'm contented that I'm once your gf but the one who suffered the most during the time we are together. Probably I dun have the life to be pampered and by truly loved by someone.
Yesterday night, I dreamt about us. We met up and go panic again, and the weather was so nice and we really enjoy ourselves. But suddenly, your mood changes and I was laying on you but you stood up and you push me away. I ask what happen, you didn't anything and just walked off. I went up to you and wanted to know the reason but eventually I didn't able to know whats the reason because I woke up suddenly. Feeling very sad to have this dream, without knowing what is the reason behind.
Well, a dream is just a dream and dun dwell too much on it. Gotta get ready to work and today is a super duper boring shift which starts from 10.30 - 7.30 where I suppose to have a day off. But it doesn't matter any more cause weekends and weekdays to me just make no different. Day in day out doing the same old thing over and over again. Dunno why during work, I just have the urge to sms you or called you but I just wished to do that. As I remember clearly what happen between you and Karen. It's supposed to be a cool of period and if I keep sending you sms like I miss you and I cant live without you. I know you definitely get very irritated by it. So I decided not to sms you anymore and keep this missing all to myself and within this email that no one will know about it.
Talking about Karen, I think what she say was right and I think this is called Karma. She told me at that time that because of me you wanna a divorce with her, which in fact you stress to me that I'm not the main course of everything. And it could be due to the same reason that because of a gal that you wanted to put the relationship to a stop with me. I was thinking that I might me my retribution and I'm suffering from the cause now. But what to do this is my faith and I have to live with it.
After work, having nowhere to go as I dun wanna go out to see couples around. This will makes me feel even sadder, so everyday my routine is work, home, work and try to cut myself off from social life. When I was about to go home, dunno what went wrong into me. I walk to the bus stop where 168 stops and when 168 came and I just hope onto the bus, I dunno why am I doing all this too. As it was a long ride of ~45 mins but through the bus ride there was a lot of flash back of the time we had together. Finally I alighted at the bus stop, it was a walked from the bus stop to your block. So I slowly walked and was thinking that will I bumped into you or not and all sorts of nonsense. Eventually, I reached your void deck and lotter around and from one angel I'm able to see your room from afar. But I dun dare to look directly cause I'm afraid that you might look out and saw me. This may appear to be very dramatic but I really did that. I was holding on to my phone and very much wanted to give you a call and tell you that I'm waiting for you at your void deck.
But I didn't because I dun wanna to hear negative things from you. I was thinking that you must be either sleeping soundly or you have already gone out for the day. As today is a weekend I dun wanna spoil your day so I stood from afar to just to see your room I'm contented already. I headed straight home after that and it was a long and lonely ride home. I suddenly have the very lost kind of feeling, dunno where am I and where I'm heading too. I tried not to think of it diverted my attention somewhere else by looking at those scenery and flats around SLE/TPE.
Finally, I got home feeling so so tired after the long ride home. It wasn't really fulfilling but I'm just happy in a way or another. Dun worry, I'll not be so stupid to stalk you and do those nonsense stuff just to get your attention or to win you back. As I believe that what is meant to be yours it will be. I have flight for my happiness but failed to do that because in a relationship is not about oneself but two parties contributing to it. i'm not able to be the last woman in your life but I'm contented that I'm once your gf but the one who suffered the most during the time we are together. Probably I dun have the life to be pampered and by truly loved by someone.
posted by Cecilia at 11:52 PM
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