Expectation Leads To Disappointment
Oh my, today is a very tired day for me. Slept late last night and have to wake up early to attend the funeral. I only have less then 4 hours of sleep, whereby people is enjoying their Sunday sleeping till sun shinning on their butts. Got changed and ready to go out of the house. Was very tired and slept on the way there while waiting for you SMS. I know you wun wake up so early, so give myself excuses that maybe later in the day you will reply me but I was wrong totally wrong.
Reached the place, they are all out to set of to the new Mandai Crematorium. It wasn’t a far journey as Toa Poyah is a very centralize location to go anywhere. It was a very nice and big, the environment seems to be very peaceful. A good place to clear thoughts but very scared till it can become very scary. Right before the coffin was pushed in to be cremate, there was a monk who did chant and preach a little. As he says, in life when there is meeting there will be parting. And I totally agreed with it. when there is a start of a life, there will definitely be an end to it. this is like a life cycle.
It was a very fast process and everything was done within half an hour. We headed on to the bus and brought us back. We had our lunch at the nearby hawker center. As it was my mother side and we had quite a number of us, we have problems on the sittings. So we split ourselves out and ordered food separately. As we are parting, my eldest cousin say to me dunno when it will be the next time we will meet again. I joke to him that maybe it might be my cousin who is getting married. And he say why not me? I told me how to get married without having a boyfriend right?
I think I’m really confused, on one hand I feel like getting married but on the other hand I feared of marriage. The reason of me fearing for it is that I might not be able to be a good wife and do what a wife should do and eventually lead the marriage to a failure and divorce is the ending for both parties. It was 3 plus in the afternoon, and still not reply from you I was right once again.
For once I thought that I’m able to forget about you. But I think I still not be able to do so. The moment I say your SMS, I’m so happy and feel like giving you a call but I didn’t cause I know you wun pick up my call. Maybe you right when you love someone you may not exactly be with that someone. Seeing he/she happy and you will be happy too. But you will never know how much I miss you.
Reached the place, they are all out to set of to the new Mandai Crematorium. It wasn’t a far journey as Toa Poyah is a very centralize location to go anywhere. It was a very nice and big, the environment seems to be very peaceful. A good place to clear thoughts but very scared till it can become very scary. Right before the coffin was pushed in to be cremate, there was a monk who did chant and preach a little. As he says, in life when there is meeting there will be parting. And I totally agreed with it. when there is a start of a life, there will definitely be an end to it. this is like a life cycle.
It was a very fast process and everything was done within half an hour. We headed on to the bus and brought us back. We had our lunch at the nearby hawker center. As it was my mother side and we had quite a number of us, we have problems on the sittings. So we split ourselves out and ordered food separately. As we are parting, my eldest cousin say to me dunno when it will be the next time we will meet again. I joke to him that maybe it might be my cousin who is getting married. And he say why not me? I told me how to get married without having a boyfriend right?
I think I’m really confused, on one hand I feel like getting married but on the other hand I feared of marriage. The reason of me fearing for it is that I might not be able to be a good wife and do what a wife should do and eventually lead the marriage to a failure and divorce is the ending for both parties. It was 3 plus in the afternoon, and still not reply from you I was right once again.
For once I thought that I’m able to forget about you. But I think I still not be able to do so. The moment I say your SMS, I’m so happy and feel like giving you a call but I didn’t cause I know you wun pick up my call. Maybe you right when you love someone you may not exactly be with that someone. Seeing he/she happy and you will be happy too. But you will never know how much I miss you.
posted by Cecilia at 10:52 PM
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